I Know What I Did
by TeriPolo'sAss1
Summary: Lena knows what she did was wrong, but can she escape it Three- Part Shot
1. Chapter 1

**SO I HAVE TO WRITE THIS JUST TO GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. BUT LENA AND MONTE **** YES I AM UPSET WITH LENA, BUT SHE PULLED BACK AND I KNOW SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT FOR WHAT SHE DID. MONTE ON THE OTHER HAND CAN FALL OFF THE FACE OF THIS PLANET. BUT I WANTED TO WRITE THIS TO GET INTO LENA'S HEAD ABOUT WHAT SHE DONE BECAUSE YOU CAN TELL SHE FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WHAT SHE DONE BECAUSE SHE TENSED UP WHEN STEF KISSED HER. THIS IS GOING TO BE A TWO- PART SHOT. AND FOR THE RECORD THE ACCIDENT DID NOT HAPPEN. HOPE YOU ENJOY**

LENA

I rubbed the backs of Jude and Callie, as we walked into the house. I could tell that my kids were beaming inside about the news of Callie finally being able to get adopted. I admit deep down I was excited to finally get Callie adopted and give her our last name. I knew she was relived and so was the rest of our family.

All the kids besides Brandon were laughing and just feeling the joy of happiness. I just stood by the door and watched them smile and hug some more. I had a small smile on my face because I loved all my children like I carried them on my own. I felt so much love for them.

"Hey mama, we are going to go out for ice cream until dinner, you want to join us," Jude asked with so much excitement and joy in his voice.

I wanted to hang out with my kids tonight since Stef was working a little late tonight. But I just needed some time to process everything.

"Umm, no I think I will pass on this one, you guys have fun and be back by curfew please," I said to them trying to suppress my guilt and pain inside with a fake smile on my face.

"We will," they said walking out the kitchen door.

I just stood there for a minute. I wasn't even thinking just standing. I wanted to move and walk but I couldn't. I couldn't feel it in my legs to move. I knew if I started walking around the house it would remind me of Stef and if I thought about her I would fall into pieces. My best bet was for me to just stand here. Then it crossed me Stef and I had too many memories in this kitchen, way too many stories that happened in this kitchen. I started looking around and I could see images of her and I could smell her around. I could see her smile and those heaven sent eyes that make me weak every time I looked into them. I closed my eyes but I could not get the image of Stef out my head. I found myself not being able to breathe. Why was she haunting my thoughts, did she know. No she couldn't know, she was too excited about Callie, and I knew that Monte and I kissing was not anywhere near her thoughts. I just couldn't get the image of Stef out of my head. No matter how many times I tried to close my eyes. Think of something else Lena I said to myself. Did I want to think about something else, why didn't want to think about the love of my life. She was still the love of my life right. Of course she was, why think that Lena. I needed to distract myself. I started to walk but slowly at first so I wouldn't fall. Ok just think about something silly, something from your childhood. Anything but Stef. I looked at my kitchen and my mind focused on the cup that was on the counter. I could wash this I thought to myself. I walked a little faster now even though my legs felt weaker than 3 day old soda. I grabbed the cup from the counter and walked slowly to the counter and washed that cup. I could feel my hands shaking a little; I could not grip the cup any tighter than I tried to so it wouldn't fall. Why was I shaking? Food that is what I needed food to help me calm down. I went to the cabinet and placed the cup in the proper place. I went to refrigerator and looked inside and there was nothing in here to quickly make. Ok something to think about going to the store later. I needed to make dinner for the kids, was I cooking, no they could order pizza tonight. I closed the refrigerator slowly and walked to the cabinets and looked, where the hell where all the snacks. Then I opened one cabinet, then I saw it a bottle of wine. Shit I thought to myself as my mind generated to her hands touching my face, rubbing up and my down my cheek. The look she gave me. The way she grabbed that wine bottle and opened it, the excitement on her face was clearly seen, No Lena stop it. I shut the cabinet and she wouldn't leave my mind, the way she hugged and how she held on my back and rubbed my back, that smell that was on her it smelled like something that was worn for daytime affairs. It was a nice lingering smell that clung to her skin and clothes. When she leaned over to take her shoes off the slight black color of her undergarment present in my face, why I couldn't I get that image out of my face. No Lena stop it what is wrong with you. I shook my head and I couldn't get her image out of my head, that smile, the way her lips felt. Lena stop it please. I squished my eyes up tighter as tight as they can go then my wife came back in my head. The eyes. I needed this to stop. I opened my eyes up again, and Stef was standing there with tears in her eyes looking at me hurt and shaking her head at me. Stef no I thought to myself, I walked up to her but she disappeared into thin air. I felt somebody call my name, I knew I did. Wait I thought I was alone in the house. Lena I heard. Ok whose voice was this, it wasn't my kids' voice. It wasn't Stef's I knew this voice. I kept hearing my name. It was coming from upstairs I moved from the kitchen and walked, a little faster than normal. I walked up the steps. These steps, the steps that Stef carried me on, on our wedding night. Lena I heard again. Ok, it was getting closer now. It was coming from my bedroom. No I could not go in there. Not my bedroom that Stef and I shared daily. But I had to find out who was calling me. I opened my door and nobody was there. Ok I am going crazy, I knew I heard someone calling my name. I closed my eyes and opened my eyes again, there she was my temptation. She was looking at me and smiling. With nothing on but a bra and panties. What the hell, how she get in here. I looked at this woman that was not mines, and I closed my eyes again and she was gone. But Stef was there tears still in her eyes. The hurt and pain still evident in my room.

"Lena, you know she doesn't listen to you, how many more secrets can you she keep from you," I heard my temptation whispering in my ears.

I closed my ears, it wasn't working.

"Lena, I see the way you look at me, you are tired of your wife I know you are. She doesn't love you, come on Lena, I can be there for you."

"SHUT UP," I screamed.

"Lena, don't push me away, she doesn't love you anymore. I can show you love.

"She does love me, go away," I said to her.

"You know what you did was wrong, she will never forgive you.

I closed my ears and eyes and reopened them and I Stef was looking at me.

"Why Lena why," I heard her say looking at me sitting on our bed.

"Stef," I said looking in those eyes. I couldn't take to see the pain in them.

"Just why," was all she was saying.

"Stef I love you so much," I said to her.

"You hurt me Lena, how could you, I love you,"

"Stef I love you please don't be upset."

"How could you hurt me Lena, she doesn't love you Lena, I do.

"Stef I love you too, I am so sorry."

"She shook her head at me, then she disappeared.

What the fuck was going on, I couldn't take this.

"Feeling guilty there Lena," my temptation said to me.

"You ruined my life, Monte'"

"No, you did, you knew what you were doing."

"I love Stef, if you love her you shouldn't have kissed me back, now come on Lena be with me."

Then she popped up again. Those eyes that looked like death filled inside of them. The love of my life and my temptation looked at me at the same time and said these words, "you know what you did"

I screamed so loud I knew the walls were going to crack, I took my wrist and swung it over top of the dresser and knocked everything over on the floor, glass from the picture frames falling on the floor. I just screamed and then my legs gave in and I collapsed and feel to the floor. I broke down right there on the floor. I couldn't even take it anymore. I just screamed and cried. I love Stef, I hurt her, how could I . What have I done? What have I done?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I felt someone shaking me, and calling my name.

"Lena, honey wake up please," I felt her shaking my arm.

"Lena please wake up," she said I can hear the concern in her voice.

"Stef," I said.

"Yes, my love it's me," come on sit up and look at me.

She grabbed my hands and held onto them. I opened my eyes and there she was her face showing nothing but worry in them. I couldn't look at her. But I knew she was here and I rubbed my thumb on the back of her hand.

"I'm right here Lena. Come on and look at me. I fixed myself to look at her and she was kneeling down looking at me with her cop uniform on and I made the mistake by looking in those eyes. I could feel the tears coming up again.

"Lena, what happened, what is going on sweetie," she said and I got my vision back long enough to look at the room and the room was a mess. Glass and jewelry everywhere. I looked around and back at my wife's eyes. The ones I loved so much.

"There is something that I need to tell you," I said to her.

**SO TOO MUCH OR NOT TOO MUCH. I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT COULD OF HAPPENED TO LENA. LONG STORY SHORT. THIS TYPE OF SITUATION HAPPENED IN MY LIFE AND IT CAN REALLY MESS WITH YOUR MIND. SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IF I KNOW YOU LIKE IT, I WILL UPDATE BY WEDNESDAY NIGHT. **


	2. Chapter 2

LENA

"There is something I need to tell you," I said to Stef.

I could feel the tears rolling down my eyes.

"Ok," Stef said sitting down across from me, her legs bent and rubbing my knee. Her touch was scaring me so I moved my knee slightly from her and she looked hurt that I did that.

"I really don't know how to say this, but.. um.. I.. am sorry Stef," I said to her I just could not get the right words to come out of my mouth.

"Sorry about what, come on talk to me. I am worried love," I she said.

"Today, Monte and I had some wine before coming to the dance competition. Well we only had about 2 sips. We were celebrating getting the grants we needed for the school. I um told her some stuff and she hugged me and got really close to me and she kissed me. I kissed her back for a second and I pulled away," I am so sorry Stef it didn't mean anything.

I looked at her and her face was showing me no emotion. She blew her breath and looked at me.

"What were you talking about with her that she felt the need to kiss you," she said not emotion showing in her face.

"Umm, I was just sharing with her that I was overwhelmed and that I am not excited about the baby," I said to Stef.

"You felt like you couldn't tell me, you had to go and kiss another woman," Stef said her voice rising a little.

"She kissed me Stef."

"Ok, but when she leaned in, you didn't pull back, you lips shouldn't of even touched her Lena."

"I know Stef, I know I am so sorry but it didn't even last long it was only a second."

"It doesn't matter Lena, a kiss is a kiss, see I always knew there was something going on between you two, the way you always brought her up when we talked, and the way she looked at you when we invited her over for dinner, but I thought to myself that Lena would never do anything with this woman, it would be strictly professional, I guess I was wrong.

"Stef, you was not wrong. Our relationship is nothing it is just a professional relationship."

"Lena, it is not. It is an inappropriate work relationship, like why the hell was she bringing wine into school in the first place, both of you could get fired instantly."

"Stef, we were just celebrating."

"She could of brought a cake if you wanted to celebrate, I am actually going to step out for awhile, I need a minute to process all of this," Stef said getting up.

"Stef, I am really sorry but please don't leave though, you will worry the kids," I said to her.

"Tell them I had a errand to run and that I will be back soon," Stef said her voice on the brink of tears. And she walked out and slammed the doors. I just sat there and looked at the door and I felt tears come down my eyes. I could not believe she would walk out, but I guess she needed the time to calm down and I was going to give her the space she needed. I looked around the room and it was mess. I got up and cleaned up the mess I made and vacuumed the room up. I decided to take a shower also since I was all sweaty. I let the warm water caress my skin and try to wash away the guilt and pain I was feeling. I got out the shower and put on some house clothes. Then I heard the front door open and I knew the kids were home.

I walked downstairs and the kids were standing in the kitchen getting juice out the fridge. I needed to order pizza for them since I was in no mood to cook.

"Hey babies, I am going to go give you some money so you can order pizza," I said to them.

"Sweet," Jesus said and I smiled at him.

"Is mom home," Mariana asked me.

"Umm, no she stepped out for a minute," I said them and the twins and Brandon looked at each other.

"Are you ok mama," Brandon asked me.

I hated lying to my children but I couldn't tell them what I did to Stef.

"Yea, guys I am ok, just order your pizza and don't go to overboard, I will be upstairs," I said to them walking back upstairs to my room. I laid down on my bed, and brought out Stef and I's personal photo album. It just contained some pictures of us over the time. Some of them were so embarrassing that only we could feast our eyes on. As I looked over the photo album I couldn't help but smile and cry, I loved my wife so much. There was one picture that was recent that we took about 2 months ago. Stef was sleeping she looked so tired and worn out after I just made love to her. She looked so exhausted and out of it. I laughed at this. How could I hurt her like this. I know Stef and I have been on and off for awhile, but that does not give me an excuse to kiss someone else, especially my boss. I closed the photo album up and just laid there until I heard my phone vibrate. I looked at the front and I could not believe who texted me.

Monte: Lena can you meet me in front of the school so we can talk please.

I didn't know if I should reply back or not. I decided to get it over with.

Lena: I don't think that is a good idea

Monte: Please only for a little while, I can't sleep until I talk to you.

Lena: I can't, I am already upset as it is.

Monte: I won't do anything I promise, I can't work with you if things are awkward between us.

I had to agree with her on that last statement, since we did run the school we could not be at odds with each other. I had to go and get this over with

Lena: Meet you there in 30 minutes.

Monte: Thank you:)

I got out of bed and grabbed a pair of flats and my jacket. I walked downstairs and the kids were sitting around the TV watching a movie, 3 boxes of pizza in front of them, 2 kinds of soda, and Oreos in front of them. Usually I would scorn them for eating like this, but I am going to let it slide for tonight, since they were all so excited about the adoption of Callie.

"Um, I am stepping out for about 30 minutes. Mom should be home soon," I told them and just all just nodded not taking there eyes off the TV.

I got in my car to go see Monte.

**YES SO THIS IS A THREE- SHOT. THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW. SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT. LONGER CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER. KEEP REVIEWING PLEASE. **


	3. Chapter 3

LENA

I drove up to the school and there was Monte standing by her car with her arms folded. I parked my car next to hers. I got out and she just stared at me, and I stared at her back.

I decided to break the awkward silence between us.

"You wanted to talk so I am here," I said to Monte.

"Um, I just really wanted to apologize for coming onto you and kissing you today," she said.

"You knew I was vulnerable why did you have to take advantage of me like that," I said to her me on the brink of tears.

"I know, it is just every since you and I have become close I have become to like you. I don't think I am gay or bisexual at that, I just like you in that way."

"Monte, you are my boss, we run the school, I am married you and I can not have that type of relationship, even though my wife is getting on my last nerve, I can never in my life imagine my life without her and I know I hurt her to the core.

"It is not like you and slept together Lena it was just a small little kiss that I really am sorry for," she said and when she said that she touched my shoulder and I flinched away from her touch.

"I know that but I still cheated on my wife it doesn't matter what we did," I said to my boss raising my voice a little.

"Ok ok, Lena i just didn't want things to be awkward between us, we have a school to run, and we can not let on the staff or students, you know how fast rumors spread at this school," she said gesturing towards the school.

"Yea, I know," I said laughing at her.

"So can we just forget that this ever happened," She said looking at me.

"Yes, please, but we need to keep our relationship strictly professional.

"Deal," she said hugging me and I squeezed and hugged her back.

STEF

I went around driving for a bit to calm down. I could feel tears streaming down my face. I can't believe Lena would be so stupid and kiss another woman. I know we have been up and down lately but I would never imagine kissing someone else even if it was for a second. I knew the main reason was because of Monte, I could not trust that woman, she took advantage of Lena. So I decided to talk to this woman. I called the station to have them look up her address. I drove to her apartment and when I got out to knock on the door and there was no answer after the third knock. I called the station again once I got back in my car and I had them track her cell phone. I got the confirmation from them that she was at the school.

I drove to the school and I pulled up in the parking lot and I saw something I did not need to see, Monte and my wife hugging.

LENA

I saw a car pull up and when I realized it was Stef's I immediately pushed Monte off of me. When I saw Stef get out the car I could see the hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Lena, you have got to be joking right," she said to me.

I looked at Stef and then back to Monte and Monte looked worried and nervous.

"Stef, it wasn't what it looked like," I said to her.

"Why are you even here Lena, talking to her. Let alone hugging her."

"Look Stef, I called Lena well texted her and asked her to meet me here so we can talk. I didn't want things to be awkward between us, since we do have to work together and I apologized for what I did. I really am sorry and I am sorry that your marriage isn't working out.

"Excuse me, that is none of your business what is going on in my house and between my wife and I. You need to worry about you and you only," Stef said to Monte in a no nonsense tone.

"Look, I am not trying to cause any drama," Monte said in defense mode.

"Monte I am going to ask you too do one thing, well two things. First I need you to stay away from my wife and out of our business, I don't want you in her office unless it has something to do with the school. Second I need you too leave here."

Monte looked back and forth between us and she shook her head and got in her car. I looked at Stef and I could not look at her in the eyes. They looked so hurt.

"Stef I am so sorry, I really only gave her a hug because we agreed to put all of this behind us, and she apologized."

"Fuck the hug Lena, I only care about why you would let her into marriage like that. A marriage is between two people not two people and their coworkers, friends or whatever. I just want to understand why you won't talk to me."

"Because you don't listen to me Stef, I feel like you never listen to anything I have to say. You always go and do stuff behind my back. The thing is our communication is off, and I am sorry that I confided in Monte," I said to Stef tears trickling down my face.

"Lena, I agree I don't include you in my decisions. I really am, but I just went and did stuff on my own for our families sake not to hurt you, or behind your back. I just want us to go back to when we used to tell each other everything. And just talk just to talk. This whole talking to other people about our marriage, and going behind each's other back has to stop, before things get worst between us," Stef said motioning her hand between us.

"I agree, I think we need to go to counseling, our communication is broken. We keep making these promises and we are not sticking to them, I really want us to try marriage counseling.

"I can do that, but do you really think it is going to work," Stef said to me.

"I hope so, because obviously we can't work things out on our own, and I don't want things to get to bad like you said and it effects our kids," I said to Stef and she nodded her head to me in agreement.

"Ok, so we can call around find a good counselor and see when they can get us in," Stef said to me, and I looked at her.

"Are you still upset about the kiss," I asked Stef and she blew her breath and looked down at the ground.

"Yes, I am upset. It is going to take me a long time to forget about that, I just can't believe your lips actually touched that woman's lips. But I really don't blame you completely on the kiss, yes you could of backed away, but Monte took advantage of you, and that is why I don't want you anywhere near her. But I love you Lena I really do so much it is scary. We are going to make it work ok, and that is why I hope counseling can help us, but I love you and I will try to forgive you but it is going to take some time," Stef said rubbing the tears from my face.

"I love you too Stef, I am so sorry, I am sorry," I said to her and she pulled me in a hug and I just cried in her arms. She rubbed my hair then down my back and told me everything was going to be ok. I just hope it was true.

**SO THANKS FOR READING THIS SHORT STORY WITH ME. I HONESTLY THINK THAT SEASON 3 THEY REALLY NEED TO GO TO COUNSELING BAD. BUT I FEEL EHH ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK :)**


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